What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.