Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.