I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.