Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!