What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.