What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
The superconductor left without resistance.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.