What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."