I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic