I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.