What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
To get to the other tide.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.