A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.