Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."