What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.