Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
That boy narrated his-story really well.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.