Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.