I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.