The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.