What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.