Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.