Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.