Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.