A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!