If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!