The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
The sun is just a big space heater.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.