When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.