A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare