What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.