What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .