Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it