My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.