What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
To get to the other tide.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
The superconductor left without resistance.