A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.