What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Air resistance is a real drag.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady