My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.