If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Air resistance is a real drag.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house