Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.