A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.