How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.