What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.