What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.