When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.