I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.