I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?