How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.