What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.