What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Ah! The element of surprise.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Organ donors really put their heart into it.