Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.