How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.