When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."