I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.