What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.