Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.