I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What is the study of real estate? Homology
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.