When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.