Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."