What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
The superconductor left without resistance.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal