What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."