What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.