How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.