What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
To get to the other tide.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.