Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.