Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
To get to the other tide.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.