We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.