I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Biology - It grows on you.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."