I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.