The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!