I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.