I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile