Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
That boy narrated his-story really well.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home