I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”