What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!