Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.