Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.