So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.