Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.