This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking