Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.