Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor