Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Do you find bone puns humerus?