What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
The superconductor left without resistance.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.