I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.