They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.