What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.