My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons