There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque