When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Ah! The element of surprise.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.