Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
The superconductor left without resistance.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.