Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.