Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Biology - It grows on you.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!