The superconductor left without resistance.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
The sun is just a big space heater.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome