What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.