As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.