When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett