How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)