The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X