Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.