A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
The sun is just a big space heater.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.