The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.