Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.