Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.