Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.