I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
To get to the other tide.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"