Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers