Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
To get to the other tide.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.