When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?